


Kurt Hummel, Don't Be Riddikulus [Hogwarts!AU]

by technicolourdc



Series: technicolour's Kurtbastian AU Oneshots [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: Boggarts, Caring Sebastian Smythe, Hogwarts!au, Idiots in Love, M/M, Multi, Oblivious Kurt Hummel, Podfic Welcome, Pre-Slash, Quinn Fabray (mentioned) - Freeform, Ravenclaw!Kurt, Romance, Santana Lopez (mentioned) - Freeform, Slytherin!Sebastian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-22
Updated: 2018-09-22
Packaged: 2019-07-15 11:50:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,247
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16062533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/technicolourdc/pseuds/technicolourdc
Summary: “I just- I watched you claw your eyes out from the pain of the Cruciatus Curse in Defense just now,” Blaine whimpered. Kurt reared back in shock.“I was part of someone’s greatest fear?” he quickly pieced together, still reeling from a horrific image. This certainly explained the Berry tirade, and the whispers.“Poor Sebastian,” Blaine nodded sympathetically. Inside Kurt was screamingPoor Sebastian I am apparently the one having my eyes clawed out!





	Kurt Hummel, Don't Be Riddikulus [Hogwarts!AU]

**Author's Note:**

> This takes place in the third year of Harry Potter canon, in case it wasn't obvious. Kurt is ridiculously oblivious, Sebastian has fears, and everyone else is traumatised.

“Kurtie! Lupin said we’re going to get a special lesson today,” Brittany hummed in thought, linking her arm through Kurt’s as they walked with the Hufflepuffs and their housemates to their shared Defense against the Dark Arts lesson. Kurt could only wince.

 

“That probably means that it’s going to be a practical one,” he reminded his best friend. He had an inkling of what was going to be in their lesson plan, having heard from the lower years about Potter’s dementor boggart, and knowing that Lupin was making sure all his older years did the sufficient catch up work given all the crappy teachers they had had in the past. Of course, the Eagles had made sure to receive extra tutoring from their older housemates when faced with such adverse conditions, but the other houses couldn’t have received the same privilege.

 

He wasn’t that nervous, because he was pretty sure what his boggart would take shape as- he’d had recurring nightmares of that damned heart monitor flat lining ever since the first heart attack one year ago. He only had to concentrate on that one time he spied Rachel Berry attempt to seduce his stepbrother from a corner in the library [read: attempt] and failing miserably. That had had him and Quinn howling over it for days, albeit Quinn had also been stewing inside. Of course Finn, Hufflepuff that he was, had tried to reprimand his ex-girlfriend and stepbrother halfheartedly, but eventually cracked a smile at the awkwardness of the situation.

 

Kurt was brought back to the moment by being half-tackled to the floor by his brother’s roommate, Noah. Brittany somehow survived the onslaught and cheerfully relinked their arms.

 

“Dude, are you nervous? Nah you’re never nervous, Ice Queen. Hey, do you want to contribute to the pool? Personally, I put 5 knuts into Mercy’s boggart telling her she ain’t the star, Berry is; and Smythe’s one being a monastery-”

 

“Noah, I really don’t understand why you put so much of your admittedly clever brains into something as tedious as _gambling_ ,” Kurt hissed, mood turning sour at the mention of the bane of his existence, Sebastian Smythe.

 

The meerkat-faced bastard was everything Kurt wasn’t: smooth, suave, enamouring to Blaine Anderson- and to make matters he always seemed to want to rub it in every time their paths clashed. The scintillating jabs and stupid throwaway pick-up lines (he was always testing Kurt’s reactions to them, Noah and Finn had a chart for his reactions to Smythe’s pick-up lines that included “about to tell someone they smell like Craigslist”), the mocking hungry look in his eyes when he eyed the Eagle (as if he didn’t already know that he was too pasty, too undesirable, Smythe did not need to deliberately show him what could’ve been), the dull look that crossed his face when Blaine was brought up in their arguments (Kurt felt sorry for his friend, why did he have to go and fall for such an inconsiderate ass who got tired of him after the first romp?) and-

 

“Your Wrackspurts are multiplying, Kurtie…” Brittany murmured. Kurt flickered a smile at the reference to their younger housemate Luna, brilliantly underestimated she was. Then his smile faded as he thought of what his Wrackspurts were all centred on this particular morning. He shook thoughts of the Green Eyed unnamed away because ~~no do not go there his robes do not compliment his green eyes~~.

 

Noah shook his head in confusion, clapped Kurt on the back and accelerated towards Dave and Finn, who stood on either side of the Defense classroom door. Well, smirks and freckles aside, here went nothing.

 

***

 

At supper, Kurt ate with Brittany’s blonde head resting on his shoulder, both their backs like their fellow year mates facing resolutely away from the neighbouring Hufflepuff table. There really was something horribly intimate about sharing your deepest fears with your classmates, some of whom you may not even like that well. Really, Kurt could’ve done without knowing that Elliot’s greatest fear was apparently a pink frilly parasol (what even?) or that his best friend apparently had no fear (the boggart had desperately tried to shift form, but it had flickered like a television as it sort through Brittany’s head, then had leapt back into the chest with a wail of despair and confusion). Their new seating however, caused them to face the Slytherin table where he could hear fervent gossiping of ‘boggart’, ‘Smythe’ and ‘Hummel? What?’ It didn’t have to take a Ravenclaw to figure out that he, for some reason, was worthy of Slytherin gossip.

 

Suddenly Berry was marching over to him after some snide remark from Santana, who looked on with veiled interest (or she might have been looking at Brittany?) next to Smythe, who had an unnaturally calm mask on. The short girl looked like she was on a warpath as she awkwardly avoided looking at Sebastian.

 

“Kurt Hummel, I know that I may not be in your best graces but I do admire your drive and quick wittedness, though perhaps less than my own- but one day when Finn and I get together we will be siblings in law so I would like to extend my formal acknowledgement that you are one of the most interesting and passionate people I have ever met and I-”

 

“Berry, what are you doing here?” Kurt interrupted her rambling. She dampened and then perked up again, an odd light entering her already manic eyes as she glanced up and hurriedly looked away from his gaze.

 

“I simply want to instill upon you that although I am a Slytherin by no means would I ever wish you harm nor would I ever cast th-th-the _Cruciatus Curse_ ,” and with that her voice dropped to a whisper, “on you of all people. Perhaps that Quinn girl, but not you.” She stopped to (finally) take a breath. “And please don’t claw your eyes out from the pain!” With that last strange and rushed statement she was hurrying back to sit with her housemates. Kurt only blinked.

 

“She writes lovely tunes, but sometimes I think she’s a half-banshee so I’m scared to listen to them,” Brittany said softly beside him. Kurt’s eyes flickered over the Slytherin table, observing the way the sixth year Slytherins were scattered at various lengths across the table, avoiding everyone but their best friends. He quickly surmised that the snakes must have had the embarrassing Defense lesson, but what was Berry _on_? And the whispers circulating the hall were obviously about him to some degree, but what had he done that was so incriminating?

 

Frustrated, he gently dislodged his shoulder and shoved back from the table. He didn’t like not knowing what was happening. He decided to throw a glare at Sebastian on his way out because honestly he was not above blaming him for what was happening. He met an intense green gaze full on, and what was brimming in those eyes nearly stopped him still.

 

There was no malice, but perhaps confusion? The usually unreadable gaze was focused on him with frightening intensity, as if they were trying to decipher his deepest thoughts.

 

Kurt snorted and swept regally out of the hall, only seeing Brittany plopping onto Santana’s lap at the last moment. He made his way towards the library, hoping to escape the madness that was his thoughts.

 

It always came back to Smythe, ever since that stupid boy had deigned to spare a glance at Kurt in the 4thyear. Well. He hadn’t spared a glance at _Kurt_ per say, but at his friend, Blaine Anderson. Kurt had just been perceived as a threat in the conquest, and damn if they hadn’t clashed horns from the first moment. Kurt had to admit that he had been harbouring a crush on Blaine, but obviously he had never registered on either boy’s radar.

 

To his surprise even after the little fling their grade had labelled Seblaine, Sebastian wound up becoming unexpected good friends with Blaine and so had stuck around. Of course that was when the little loose ends of the web tied together, with Santana somehow getting along splendidly with Kurt, which was just as well because apparently she and Brit had been childhood friends. However, he certainly couldn’t say the same about Smythe. Their arguments had been made notorious through one too many duels, until Kurt decided at the start of 6thyear that he honestly was above those petty tricks and just stopped hexing the other boy back, instead relying solely on his sharp mouth. An ill-fated trip to the hospital wing later, Smythe seemed to take on another attitude and relegated to teasing Kurt, a guilty glint in his eyes whenever they spoke. Surprisingly this had morphed into heated debates about the politics of the wizarding and Muggle worlds, jibes flying back and forth, but definitely not as malicious as they had started out with. Which led them to this point-

 

“Kurt!” the familiar vision of Blaine jogging quickly towards him was welcome reprieve from his thoughts. What wasn’t familiar was the haunted grimace on his face, and the sudden vigorous hug.

 

“Not that I’m complaining, but what brought this on,” he smiled down at his slightly shorter friend, basking at the warmth of the hug. Why couldn’t he like Blaine again?

 

“I just- I watched you claw your eyes out from the pain of the Cruciatus Curse in Defense just now,” Blaine whimpered. Kurt reared back in shock.

 

“I was part of someone’s greatest fear?” he quickly pieced together, still reeling from a horrific image. This certainly explained the Berry tirade, and the whispers.

 

“Poor Sebastian,” Blaine nodded sympathetically. Inside Kurt was screaming _Poor Sebastian I am apparently the one having my eyes clawed out!_ But he stayed silent as Blaine continued.

 

“He was horrified. He um- he was left sobbing over the Boggart You until Mr. Lupin vanished the Boggart back into the closet. Suffice to say he was really shaken, and was embarrassed. Honestly this whole lesson has just gotten rid of any personal barriers. And a personal barrier for him is you-” Blaine gave imploring eyes, hoping Kurt to understand something.

 

For once in his academia filled life, Kurt was stumped. So watching someone be tortured was a fear of Sebastian’s, but why him?

 

“Kurt, Sebastian’s face when you started screaming,” Blaine shuddered, “he tried to run to you, to get to you, well Boggart you. Then Santana held him back as he screamed with you, and, well, how he managed to still eat in the Dining Hall after that lesson is a testament to his will. It was-heartbreaking… you really had to be there.”

 

“I think I would rather not have seen myself tortured and screaming, thanks,” Kurt drily inserted. Inside he was fuming. How dare Sebastian’s fear be him at his weakest? He was appalled and frankly, hurt that apparently Sebastian’s fear was his inability to rescue him from pain (ignoring that Sebastian wanted to rescue him in the first place) but he probably just had a hero complex, and it could have been anyone.

 

“Thank you for clearing things up for me, Blaine, I think I shall retire to my dorm. Shall I see you tomorrow at the door to Potions?”

 

“You are way too calm for this, K. This guy, who I can verify is incredibly fit and good looking, just had his worst fear displayed in front of his peers in Slytherin- and it’s him using the curse on you. His greatest fear is hurting you K, isn’t that… isn’t that supposed to be romantic?”

 

“ _He_ was the one using the curse! Of course. Thank you, Blaine. I’ll see you tomorrow.” The Ravenclaw left his confused friends standing behind him as he swept forward. He abhorred the eating unhappiness in his chest, his analytical mind telling him that whatever Sebastian feared, it wasn’t about _him_ , it was Sebastian that Sebastian feared. That he was the one being hurt was only due to him being the only person Smythe had ever seen hurt physically, after that stupid combined leg-lock jinx and moving stairs. It was painful- because for one moment he had let himself hope that Sebastian was afraid for him.

 

***

 

Kurt was staring at the clouds promising an early snowfall when he found him. He was actually quite proud to have evaded Smythe for this long in a boarding school, considering they shared one or two classes together. Of course his ignoring the Slytherin had been quite apparent considering that they usually sat in Arithmancy together, and bickered on the way to lunch, and sometimes met up to revise their potions notes and-.

 

“You’ve been ignoring me.” Was the putout and annoyed response to a week’s worth of silence. Kurt felt his heart sink, irrationally, because maybe he’d been hoping for a more pained comment, a desperate plea to talk to him. But he’d forgotten-this was Smythe they were on.

 

He had a split second to decide whether to reply with a snide “Really, what made you think that?” but as he opened his mouth- Kurt stopped himself. He owed Sebastian no explanation, no justification. He was ignoring the boy for self preservation and his pride refused to let him admit defeat so soon. Never mind that the idea of not speaking to his frenemy brought tears to his eyes (which was so stupid).

 

“Hummel! Hey, you are such a bitch, why are you mad at me? What did I even do?” The meerkat’s looming face blocked out his view of the sky, and Kurt grit his teeth. _In the long run, it will hurt a lot less._ He rolled deftly to his feet and stalked away, barely sparing a glance at Smythe.

 

“Hey- please-Kurt! Whatever it was, I’m sorry ok? Will you just talk? Scold me, whatever, but I really can’t read your mind and understand what’s wrong-Kurt? Don’t you walk away from me!”

Silence.

 

“If that’s how you want to play it!” and suddenly Kurt was in the air, flipped head down in a rush by a wordless spell. His shirt slid to bunch across his chest, the blue and silver tie flapping along his face. His assaulter marched forward, scowl on his handsome face until they were eye to eye, barely inches apart.

 

“I’m not going to let you out of this position until you’ve said something. Ok? I really want to know what I did, Kurt. C’mon. This is killing my Arithmancy grades!”

 

“Nothing. You did nothing. Let me down.” Kurt snapped in reply. “It’s good to know what this is really all about. Frankly, I just didn’t want to talk to a self-centered _abruti_ like you. I don’t owe you anything.”

The green gaze hardened. “I’m not going to let you down until I now what this is really about! Both you and I know that I’m an asshole, convince me with something new.”

“Maybe I got tired of being the weakling, needing to be protected from the big and bad asshole that you are! Because, guess what, I can take you on any day, and I _am not weak_ , simply above the infantile level of mocking that you dish out daily.” _Stupid stupid stupid_. He immediately regretted opening his big mouth.

But now Sebastian was staring at him with incredulity, and was that sadness?

 

“Kurt, you are far from the weakling, and yeah, you can take me any day.” The boy snorted self-deprecatingly. “This is about my Boggart, isn’t it?”

Kurt opened his mouth, but no sound came out.

“Maybe it never occurred to you, but I don’t mock you because you are the weakling. I mock you because you are- you are the only one who doesn’t treat me like I ought be treated. Nobody wants to say it, but my Uncle and Aunt are Death eater scum! You know it, my parents know it, I know it- one day, despite what my father tries to stop, I’ll be recruited. Nearly everyone in that green common room will, if they haven’t been already. You may be a halfblood, K, but you know that your Dad’s politics and your family’s stance have made people label you as blood traitors. When the time comes, you and yours will be on the top of the damn hit list, and I will be the one dispatched to hurt you! Why? Because knowing my Uncle’s sick sense of humour, he’ll want me to hurt a friend, to prove I can! Damn it, K, I’m a monster. I could hurt, I do hurt, innocent people every day. But you? You put everything into perspective, and when I’m with you I may feel like a monster, but you make me feel more human than not.”

Upside down, Kurt couldn’t figure whether his head was reeling from the blood rushing to his head, or from Sebastian’s rant. As he stared upside down into those dark green eyes, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

“You are an asshole, Bas. But in a thousand years, no matter how hard you try, you won’t be a monster. Whatever you saw in that Defense classroom, its not going to come true. I have more faith in you than that,” he intoned gently, thinking of this Slytherin who may be more guarded than he ever let on. Kurt could only look on in awe as tears sprung in his… friend’s eyes. There was uncertainty that quickly morphed into a grim determination, and those eyes were suddenly closer than ever, and Kurt could suddenly feel Sebastian’s breath gently nosing at his chin, and Bas was stretching up slightly…

It shouldn’t have been as gentle, as fitting as it was. It should have been awkward, a mismatch of direction that should have ended in Kurt awkwardly kissing Sebastian’s nose. But somehow Kurt found their lips sliding together, a soft press with a hint of something more as Sebastian’s tongue dartingly licked the seam in Kurt’s lips and-

Sebastian pulled back reluctantly, and his touch was uncharacteristically brief. His eyes were sad and uncertain.

“I’m really sorry K. I- ”

“Please tell me I’m not just going to be a one kiss fling,” Kurt whispered to the already retreating figure. A swish of Sebastian’s wand had him gently lowered onto the grass, and Kurt ran, stopping the Slytherin, who looked at him with guarded eyes, panic barley flitting through them.

“For the record, I’m really sorry I did that, it was uncalled for. I just-I’ve wanted-”

Kurt had another epiphany.

“It’s going to be strange, and it’s going to hurt, and we might come out of this hurting each other more than ever… but, would you maybe consider going to Hogsmeade with me tomorrow?” he breathed out. If he had read the signs wrong…

Sebastian lowered his eyes.

“I’m still a monster, and I don’t need your pity-”

“Do you want this, Seb? Because it’s not pity when I don’t think you’re a monster. No one thinks you’re a monster. You’re not your family, and maybe-” Kurt was starting to flush, rambling. Maybe the kiss meant less to Sebastian than it did to him? But surprisingly, he knew Sebastian, and he knew that the green-eyed boy never kissed his conquests- made out with, but never kissed.

 

He looked up when fingers brushed his cheek reverently. The familiar smirk started stealing across Sebastian’s face, albeit shaky.

 

“See you tomorrow at 12 then, K.”


End file.
